Personal LJ: hotandcoldrp
Contact Info: AIM: DecepticonAF e-mail: email@example.com
Character Name: PFC Dick Simmons
Character Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Around 30, give or take.
As far as his timeline goes, post-Reconstruction, but pre-Relocated because that ended on kind of a cliffhanger and uh yeah.
Personality: Simmons has one of the most easily defined D&D-styled alignments in RvB: he's Lawful Evil. The Lawful bit, of course, bears almost no explaining; anybody that observes Simmons for about 5 minutes could probably tell you that he has a love for rules that flounces straight past "worrisome" territory and doesn't stop until it starts getting close to "disturbing". And as for Evil, well. You don't bury your commanding officer/surrogate father figure alive for the sake of a promotion and get labeled anything nicer. Sorry, Dick, but you're a dick. Go cry about it.
Which kind of segues into the next point here: Simmons is honestly kind of, well, girly. He's got a habit of being waaaayyyyy too emotional about stuff and has on occasion admitted to some... interesting passions, like dancing and Us Magazine and crying if he misses an episode of Desperate Housewives. I mean, he's not as girly as Donut, but that's kind of like saying he's not as evil as O'Malley. Technically true, but is it really a comparison you want to have to resort to?
He's also a total fucking nerd. He's very enthusiastic about math and science (logical science, goddammit, Sarge) and rules and computers and kissing ass and, really, he's just a complete dweeb. He's incredibly intelligent, given his successful hacking of Command's files, but, well. Let's go back to D&D terms here. All those points he put into his INT score came from somewhere—namely, everywhere else. His INT score may be through the roof, but his WIS and CHA scores are through the floor. The basement floor. They are digging their way to China. OK, so his WIS score has its moments (at least, compared to the rest of the team, which is not necessarily saying all that much), but sometimes he just says the dumbest shit. (Yes, Simmons, let's call Command and ask them what the proper procedure for invading their headquarters is. Good jorb.)
And his CHA score. Oh, Christ, his charisma. Or, I suppose I should say, oh, Christ, his absolutely stunning lack of charisma. Simmons has all the social skills of—I'm not sure I can even finish this analogy because it requires me to think of something that lacks social skills as badly as Simmons does. I dunno, a drunk rat with Tourette's? I mean, a drunk rat with Tourette's would lack social skills in an entirely different way, but still. Actually, while I'm on the subject of rats and Simmons, let me just say it: Simmons is a rat. Like, uh, are you familiar with the His Dark Materials trilogy of books? Well, even if you aren't, I'm about to reference them so there. In these books, there are these things called daemons, which are basically physical manifestations of a person's soul as an animal. There was an event at the place I used to play Simmons where the daemons of characters were temporarily manifested and, yeah, I made Simmons's be a rat. (It remains, IMO, one of the more clever things I ever did with him.)
Let's see what's next on the checklist of insults here. Ah, right, backstabbing. Simmons is hella ambitious. Part of the reason he's as much of a sycophant as he is is that sycophancy nets him delicious, delicious status. Simmons wants to get ahead and he'll do just about anything to get power. Bury his commanding officer/surrogate father figure alive for a promotion? Sure thing! Shoot his best friend about a dozen times? Of course! Punch an elderly grandmother in the face? He'd probably do that, too! Part of me sometimes thinks that Simmons wouldn't really have minded having O'Malley in his head as a more long-term kind of thing. I mean, Ruler of the Universe? Doesn't sound like such a bad gig, amirite?
Simmons has Issues-with-a-capital-I. Like, seriously. Like, y'know, the bits in episode 72. And that's pretty much just the tip of the iceberg there. You know how some people go "oh, what's the matter? Daddy didn't love you enough?"
Simmons is in possession of a pretty short, violent temper. Because, you see, he gets upset pretty damned easily, and he only really knows how to deal with being upset in two ways: getting depressed or getting angry. Oftentimes he will manage both at once, cf. "Simmons likes to go in the bathroom and cry while he punches the mirror." So, uh, yeah, he gets angry over some pretty silly stuff, cf. "I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!" Truly a dire moment there, Simmons. He's not quite as temperamental as Church, but much like Donut:Girliness and O'Malley:Evil, it's not a comparison one should aspire to. And that's not even counting when he goes insane and paints himself blue after getting kicked off the team.
In short: Sane, rational, and well-adjusted is over here. Simmons is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy over there. No, no, a little farther than that. Farther. Farther. Yeah, OK, there.
Abilities: Simmons is a cyborg, but, uh, really, you can keep that, that's OK. He doesn't really want it back. 8D; OK, no, seriously, uh, generally speaking, I consider it to be extensive: the vast majority of the torso, the left arm, left leg, make it all nice and imbalanced. Keeping it off his face for PB purposes regardless. It doesn't really give him a lot of perks, though. I guess some higher-than-average strength/endurance just by virtue of being half metal. And he shits faxes, I guess that's an ability in some sense of the word.
And, of course, he's got a nice suit of MJOLNIR Mk. VI armor in a lovely maroon color
Job: Office Worker
Housing: 1761 Beaver St. (With Jill [wife], Kyon [son], and Relm [daughter])